Dave: I spent-I spent half of high school playing Stargate Defender. Two solid years.

Mr. James: Two years? Well, you must have been pretty good, what was your best score?

Dave: 1,248,500 March 7^th 1983.

Dave: Excuse me? Listen, if you are insinuating that I am a spy, or that any member of my family is a spy then you're way off base. Look, just because we're Canadian does not mean we are spies!

Matthew: Mr. James.

Mr. James: Present!

Matthew: Buttafuco.

Mr. James: Well, Buttafuco to you too Matthew. If you had said it that way then maybe we wouldn't have lost two sponsors this morning.

Matthew: Oh my God!

Lisa: I have decided to retake the SATs.

Dave: Good for you. I'm trying out for the drama club!

Beth: Internet?

Matthew: Yeah.

Beth: Internot!

Matthew: Oh wow, look at that, Dave was in the chess club.

Beth: Why would you put chess club on your resume?

Matthew: I know, it just rubs it in to all the people who couldn’t get into the chess club.

Dave: Not only am I a laughingstock but no one will be my assistant, except for Matthew, which doesn't work because he likes to improvise.

Mr. James: Poor, misguided freak.

Bill: Go ahead, laugh it's your nature.

Dave: Allright, are you done Bill?

Bill: Why, you have to recharge your robot powerpack?

Dave: I can't believe the rain hasn't washed you into the gutter with all the other scum.

Dave: Wait a minute Joe, if what you're saying is true, then I still don’t care.

Bill (shouting): Pretty! PRET-TY, like me!

Beth: No, my parents let me watch The Wizard of Oz when I was five years old and it gave me nightmares for years.

Dave: Oh right, the wicked witch.

Beth. No, Dorothy. For years I was convinced that a house was going to fall out of the sky and crush me and then some farm girl would come along and steal my flashy red shoes.

Mr. James: You poor misguided Canadian bastard.

Dave: Hear me well. As of today a new Dave is born. A new Dave who, for a lack of a better phrase, is (pause) pure evil.